Recently, I was in a coaching session with one of my mentees. We were discussing that she needed an attitude adjustment. FACT: she had spent considerable time reliving hurts inflicted on her by another person. She was “stuck” in the situation and could not find a way to put it behind her. This is a form of PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder.
She described her antagonist as a total mental and emotional “trip.” I advised my mentee not to focus any more time on this unpleasant, unrelenting person.
My goal as mentor/coach was to remind my mentee that life is 10% of what happens to us and 90% of how we respond to it. Our immediate responses, if negative, must be short-lived and quickly dismissed, especially if we are in the position of leadership. (How can you lead right if you cannot see right). All things must be done decently and in order.
I am a true-believer in not allowing anyone to disrespect me, mis-treat me, or interrupt my peace. I will not allow anyone to change the core of who I am or to manipulate the goal(s) and purposes God has for me. For example, if someone is mean to me after we have engaged in a civil conversation of differences, then their ongoing negativity toward me is their problem, not mine. I move forward looking for and hoping for a positive conclusion.
I reminded my mentee of her specific short-term and long-term goals, both personal and professional. I reminded her that we have purpose while we are alive on earth. We cannot allow others’ troubled, negative energy to become ours as well. Our purposes and goals are to always be true to who we are and not mirror another’s purposeless, goal-defeating behavior. Her antagonist energy and behavior, was not her business!
We will encounter people who rub us the wrong way. It is a part of life. However, it is more important to remember that it is a waste of energy try to match their negative energy. Negative energy digs ditches that take our precious time to dig ourselves out of. Why indulge in negativity in the first place? Negative actions and negative energy indicate weakness, indecision, and uncertainty. We should not allow negative characteristics to be associated with us.
The goal is to be true to ourselves and succeed in our purpose. As children of God, our purpose is to live out the fruits of God’s spirit which are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, goodness, faithless, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23).
Now, those fruits of God’s spirit…is your business!